Seitan n Mole Stuffed Pepper Over Corn and White Beans with Cashew Guacamole.

What you’ll need:

Total Cost: Less than $30 (many left overs)

FOOD STUFF:
1 package seitan (or check out my time-consuming recipe)
1 pepper (red, green, yellow, bigger the better)
frozen or canned corn
1 can white beans
1 avocado
1/3 cup cashews
1/3 cup red onion (more for garnish)
1 tomato
1 jalapeño
wheat tortillas
½ cup soft white cheese. Chihuahua if you want. I used this stuff called Beemster Graskaas, which is soft and meltable but has a lil more of the stinky cheese flavor that I like. According to their website, it’s the batch made after Norwegian cows graze the young grasses in the spring, thus the name Graskaan, which is the name of the guy who creepily watches and records everything the cows eat.

FLAVOR STUFF:
4-6 cups vegetable broth
2 tbsp dark mole sauce
3 chopped garlic cloves
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp lemon juice
½ tbsp fresh cilantro

This is my first recipe I’ve posted. I don’t consider myself a good chef by any means but I’m learning. And I’m certainly not a snob. I like the microwave and prepackaged products. And I keep it cheap and, for the most part, vegetarian. If you’re vegan, my recipes are usually light on the dairy so it should be just as good without a cheese or add your own terrible vegan cheese substitute.

The only recipe I have that isn’t that cheap or vegetarian is my wildly popular three-bean and video Ipod chili.

Let’s start. You need seitan. You can buy it or you can buy wheat gluten flour like I did. If you want to make your own it’s easy. But I recommend futzing with the water to wheat gluten ratio to get the consistency and chewiness you like. I like 2 cups water to 1 ½ cups wheat gluten. I might add some garlic powder and salt and pepper to the dough. Kneed it until it becomes…unkneadable. Simmer the dough in 4-6 cups veg broth (big pan) for an hour or soak overnight in the fridge. When done, cool and shred into small slices.

Cut a pepper in half. So I originally wanted to add potatoes and a small yellow onion (pictured sort of but cooked outside the pepper) to the pepper but it was way too small. So use a big one. Use 1 cup left over broth and mix with mole sauce. I used:



I used Old-timey racist mole (pictured above) most likely developed by my grandpa before he died.

If you can’t find good mole sauce at your local grocer I recommend getting a girlfriend who goes to central and south American countries regularly and ask her to bring you some back. Or visit your nearest Mexican grocer. If you think you don’t have one in your town, you’re wrong.

Put pepper halves in glass baking dish. Layer seitan, garlic, mole, and cheese on top. Drizzle some olive oil and bake at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes.

While that’s going: Throw an avocado, 1/3 cup cashews, 1/3 cup chopped red onion, lil lemon juice salt and pepper in a food processor. Pulse it for a minute. (I like my guac smooth but if you like the chunks just chop and mix into a bowl.)

Brush olive oil on two whole wheat tortillas. They don’t have to be whole wheat but I love you and care about your health I guess, so deal with it. Sprinkle a shit-ton of paprika on those things. Cut them four ways with a pizza roller BEFORE going into the oven. They are way easier to cut when not crunchy. Lay them on a pizza pan or cookie sheet and set aside.

In a microwavable container, combine about ¾ cup corn, ½ cup white beans, 1 sliced jalepeno, ½ tbsp cumin, ½ tbsp chopped fresh cilantro, salt and pepper and a sneeze of lime juice.

When there’s about 6 minutes left for the peppers to broil, put the tortilla slices in the oven and throw the corn/bean mix in the microwave for 3 minutes, stirring halfway through.

When all is cooked: Spoon some corn/bean mixture on the plate. Take a spatula and lay a stuffed pepper on the bed (Careful it should be wicked hot and bubbly by this point). Pile on the guacamole and sour cream if you got it. I put the paprika Doritos in a separate bowl to avoid saturation.

Not only will I tell you how to cook but how to eat as well.

It took me a few attempts but I figured it out and it’s really awesome. Take a Dorito, spoon some seitan, mole sauce, guac and sour cream on top with some onion and tomato. Oh lady it’s so good. Do that over and over until you are done with your meal.

Poop within 20 minutes.

The trick to following recipes is SUBSTITUTE and IMPROVISE, If you don’t like something in my recipe, use something similar you do like. If you don’t have money for one ingredient, find a cheap substitute or skip it all together, it will still taste good. If you don’t have time to prepare an ingredient or sauce, buy it prepackaged. Fuck it. Only rich assholes can afford to eat like rich assholes. At least we can afford to be clever about it.