Pen to Paper - October 30, 2007

Sexy Nurse A Hit Once Again!

For yet another Halloween I successfully took a plain old stupid dumb nurses outfit and made it sexy! And if that weren’t enough I also succeeded in avoiding all other sexy nurses thus creating the illusion that I was, in fact, the only sexy nurse on State Street. Sure, I saw a sexy cop and even a sexy firefighter, but I’m proud to say that I was the only scantily clad health care worker. Or at least I made you think that by keeping the optimal distance from the other 700 sexy nurses which, truth be told, weren’t nearly as sexy as me. I’m just like sharing my honest opinion.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. It took me three years of embarrassing “oh no you di-int” looks from other sexy nurses on Halloween to figure out that it takes at least 5 seconds, or 22 feet of walking space, for the 18-25 year old jager-bomb-clouded male to forget that they just saw several other sexy nurses. But when they see me, they are yet again inspired to say, “Can I have the full body exam?” or “I think I might need you to massage my prostate.” which I don’t even get but I like the attention.

When I saw the 5 varieties of sexy nurse outfits at the Halloween warehouse, I knew that was the costume for me…again. No regrets.



•••Sean Fransis

Pen to Paper

This isn't done yet. I'll let you know when it is....all four of you that read this. I also need a good scanner for larger pieces like this. If anyone is selling a scanner larger than a cell phone please let me know.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must get my mind freaked!

By Chris Angel!

Pen to Paper

Beatles Music: The Musical!

I saw Across the Universe yesterday. I really don't want to waste your time or mine with movie reviews on this thing because God knows there's enough of that on the world wide web. But as my friend Leonard put perfectly in his soft spoken, British accent, "It seemed a bit contrived."

Well soft-spokenly said Leonard. Now if you will excuse me, Dr. 90210 is on.

Hangin' with Jesus

A new series of shorts from The Indicators of my hometown Louisville, KY! Check out their other videos on YouTube...all four of you that read this!

The Indicators

Raw Bacon. Raw Bacon. Raw Bacon.

I guess I should post some drawings...here's one

A Letter to Judge Divid H. Nispel - Middleton WI Municipal Court

Middleton Municipal Court
7426 Hubbard Avenue
Middleton, WI 53562


Dear Judge Nispel,

You sir, are a TREMENDOUS TOOL. A tremendous tool of justice! Over the weekend my girlfriend and I had the great opportunity to see, first hand, how the honorable Middleton Municipal Court handles the dangerous dregs of society that risk dethroning the city from Money Magazine's most prestigious title of “#1 Place to Live in America”. I discovered, through your exemplary model of the American legal system, just how lucky we are to live in a city next to the city worthy of being called “#1 Place to Live in America” by a magazine.

Amidst the beautiful buildings of downtown Middleton (some dating back to 1994) is the Middleton Municipal Court Building. The orange bricks and tinted windows reek of habeas corpus. As you greeted us with a welcome, “what?”, when we arrived in the courtroom, I was awestruck by the amount of folding chairs. You appeared antsy and focused, ready to deliver the swift backhand of justice to the next criminal mastermind that dared enter your courtroom. Fortunately for me, on this day, that criminal was my girlfriend. Clearly she thought she could park on the wrong side of the street in Middleton Wisconsin and get away with it. Idiot! She didn’t know with whom she was dealing. She was up against Judge David Nispel, a real tool of justice and my new hero.

It was clear to you that only the guilty drug addicts and drunks take the time to come to court at 9am on a Saturday to defend themselves after writing numerous letters to the DA. And with your wisdom and clarity you let her know this by telling her she was so before she even spoke. Now that’s impressive judgery! Rather than explaining the fines or how the court came to their conclusion you mocked and berated her. I knew I was in the presence of fair and balanced greatness when you let her not speak all those times. So much of her guilt was proven in those moments you tactfully cut her off mid-sentence, every sentence. I loved it when, at the defining point in this important court battle, you called her a liar when she tried to explain herself.

After she told you she couldn't make it to Thursday court because she worked two jobs and went to school, you said, "You're just full of excuses aren't you?". Classic judge sass! You should have your own TV show! I could not speak I was so besieged with your awesomeness. When you made this 25 year-old deplorable villain cry I knew that under your billowing robe hung balls the size of Middleton’s water towers. Who else could fearlessly stand up against this 25 yr old elementary school teacher? If her lawless behavior is not stopped now…then when? How many more innocent lives will be lost? And you never once lost sight of the fact that it was a parking ticket. Some might say “just a parking ticket” but I say “a parking ticket in the #1 place to live in America according to a magazine”.

I also admired your 21st century approach. Like when you asked if I had read and understood the ticket when you assumed my girlfriend could not. You understood that although she is in the Graduate School of Human Ecology at the University of Wisconsin and I dropped out of art school, being men, we are of superior intelligence and are more aptly suited in translating legal documents. I greatly appreciated your candor when you let me also not speak even though I was offering to pay the fine. Oh how my heart soared when you called me “son”!

I know that racial profiling plays no part of the judicial process (*wink*) and with the defendant, being Mexican, that had nothing to do with the manner in which you treated her (*wiiiink!*) in this mostly-white #1 city. I like your style, judge. Fair to the core. Like when Senator Russ Decker (D-Schofield) was arrested for driving under the influence in your city and you dropped the charges in accordance with a lenient plea deal. You understood that the good senator had more important things to be do than be punished for putting innocent people’s lives in jeopardy. He helps make the laws. I wouldn’t expect you to expect him to follow them! The man deserves to have a drink in his car every once in awhile.

So keep up the good work, Your Honor. America needs more men like you in robes in front of folding chairs keeping the world safe against illegal parkers. With your city’s tenacious law enforcement and the will of our good Lord, Middleton will once again be named “#1 Place to Live in America” by a magazine.

Keep it up you MASSIVE TOOL of justice!

Sincerely,

M. Dwyer


P.S. I noticed a group of brown children playing very close to the Middleton/Madison border. To whom can I write to voice my concerns? I greatly fear this may affect your city’s rankings next year.

One in a...

My girlfriend has this little boy in her class named Amillion.

Things I did at work to make $ for my employer

I made this bust of a guy wearing earphones from a ball of Super Sculpey, an eraser and a paperclip. I've been making things out of this same ball of super sculpey for about 8 months now. My friend Hatuey tells me that Super Sculpey is toxic and I shouldn't play with it everyday. Well I say to him this: If it's so toxic, then how come my urine is a healthy, clouded orange color with red swirls?






I was going to call this Star of David but...I probably won't. It looks like Pizza the Hut from Space Balls.

Pen to Paper

I drew this girl from a school catalogue. I don’t think she had her eyes closed I just kept f’ing up the eyes.

Sushi Box - Review

A companion I have sex with and I recently had the pleasure of dining at the appropriately named Japanese restaurant - Sushi Box (Old University Ave.). When we arrived the dining room was empty and we were immediately seated on two stools. The décor was authentically Japanese from the fluorescent lighting to the Chiclets machine by the front door that appeared to have been imported from a place in Asia near Japan. They even had chopstickies! You don’t find that in many places here in the states. After 10 minutes of sitting we went to the counter to order. The server must have forgotten to work. The Korean woman behind the counter appeared to be direct from Tokyo as her English was so poor she chose not to talk to me at all. Or make eye contact (In Japanese culture eye contact is forbidden as it implies you wish someone dead.)




When our food arrived the dining room had filled to over four Caucasians. Lucky we got there when we did! The spicy tuna roll I had ordered was falling apart it was so tender. Nor was it complicated with stupid rice. The roll had the charm and appearance of being made by a 4 year old. The tuna tasted room temperature and salted, Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! My companion ordered some vegetarian shit which also looked delicious. For an entrée I ordered the NF2 Yaki Soba - Fried thin noodles with vegetables and shrimp. (¥1262.98) The spaghetti noodles were cooked perfect - al dante! And the canned mushrooms were marvelous. Unfortunately for me, the frozen vegetable medley was merely an afterthought. But the crown on this emperor of a meal was the 7 dime sized, unseasoned popcorn shrimp which floated in the soy sauce water at the bottom of the bowl (Adding 7 unseasoned popcorn shrimp to any meal costs a mere $4.00).


For desert we had a refill of Diet Coke and a dirty look from the Korean woman ($1.80). I would highly recommend this restaurant to someone with $27.50.

Sayonara!